Kona Side : Week One

As of today it’s been nearly a week and a half of being in Hawaii since leaving the mainland on the 11th of August. Everyday has been a challenge, for the good and for the bad. My original plan for coming out here was to be self sufficient immediately. Unfortunately some unexpected financial circumstances came into play and my ability to move into my own place has been put on hold temporarily. So, as it goes I have immediately began looking for work. From coffee shops to painting, there are great opportunities here on the Island. You just have to know what to look for and hope for the best. My mindset has been in a place of somewhat discouragement and doubt. Mostly due to my depression and other circumstances at hand. Annika and I have been having a great time overall adventuring exploring the island in the little time that we have had together. Currently I am based in Kona and she is stationed in Hilo attending the University for Agriculture and Farm explorations. During my time alone, my mind has been going nonstop, a constant battle between what I know and believe is true and what is false and lies. My contentment has been lacking greatly, every situation I am in is not ideal for my flesh. I want to be on my own, I want my vehicle to be here already, I want to work, I want. Want. Want. Yet no ground is taken. Patience is a virtue that is rare, and I know I have bountiful amounts. But doubt can override and leave me desiring more than this world can offer. Where are my gifts and talents being used? Sometimes it seems as if I am an MVP on an awesome team that’s been benched. Constantly teased by the presence of a lush green field with open grounds. After years of traveling, staying with other people and not always being able to stand on my own two feet and even buy groceries, I have had enough…
Before getting on the plane to come out here I told myself that I wouldn’t stay with anyone, not even my mom for more than a week. If it means sleeping on the beach until my car gets out here I’ll do it. Having been homeless in Hawaii before, there’s no fear or care about being able to survive. There are showers everywhere and my vehicle is large enough to comfortably stay in until I can snatch up my own place. God has always provided and will continue to do so. But even if he doesn’t Glory be to Him.

Work doors are opening and I’m glad for it. Sometimes it takes a fire of anger and suppression to really get me moving again. Like an old train that runs on coal and steam. Without that fire there’s no moving forward. “Anger is more useful than depression.”
Most of my anger is with myself, decisions I’ve made, actions that have been taken and some that have not. But it’s time to set some of that aside and allow it to fade into the sea. Because Gods doing something amazingly new here, something that I’m not totally aware of. Something that could blow open new horizons to the life that I’ve been hoping for for so long.

I’ve stopped into the church that I was apart of so long ago (Two Years) and it felt like home. A lot of the people I knew and served with have gone elsewhere, but quite a few have stayed. I am curious to see if I end up serving there again on the worship team and other projects they have going on. Or if I’ll be placed in a new operation. Schooling is something that I have been contemplating for some time now. There have been several attempts to go back, both in Arizona and Utah. The doors just wouldn’t stay open. Hawaii may be a great place to go to school. In time, we all shall see.

Biking around Kona has been awesome, it’s great exercise and definitely helps me clear my thoughts of negativity. Especially going into town on the highway where I am keeping up with 45 mph traffic. There’s so much freedom here that had been forgotten. The peace that comes with the lifestyle of slowing down and letting go. Maybe in the rush of things the past two years, my mentality has changed. My heart misses the calm easy going – care free person. One of my major goals for Hawaii this time around is to accomplish many of the things that I set out to do before, but didn’t. Already I have taken the reigns and checked a few of those tasks off my list. Onward and forward.

– Arrow Ahead